Day # 21: Building a habit

Sitting down to write this post, I dreaded it.

Some say it takes 21 days to build a new habit. The only thing I can tell you is: after 21 days of writing, I am so over it. I’m sick of trying to build this fucking habit. Excuse my French.

I don’t know if it has anything to do with the 21 day marker, or something else, but I am really tired of writing. I felt it yesterday — the old feeling of anxiety about having to write, i.e. the deadline. It really hit me.

I knew by the short version of the blog post. (I was over it.)

Why am I even writing this post today, why have I decided to put this on my blog and “publish“ it, when it really is just an off-the-cuff …. whatever. Stream of consciousness?

The whole blog was intended to be that, really. I just wanted to have some accountability to post every day. That’s the only reason really, otherwise I could’ve just written in my journal daily.

Weird. I actually feel resentful about the “demand” to post some thing every day, when it was my decision to do this to begin with.

I’m on the verge of self discovery. What, I don’t exactly know. I guess that’s the ongoing question, isn’t it?

What are we to discover about ourselves in the present moment if we pay attention, perhaps when we are ready to jump out of our skin for no apparent reason?

I have no answer. Just a lot of questions.