Day 28 #iWriteDaily
I am in a mood.
Yesterday I learned some news that triggered such feelings of shame that it brought me to my knees. Even though I was able to see what was happening rationally for what it is, that didn’t stop the feelings from overwhelming me. In a matter of minutes I was telling myself the old familiar stories about not being enough.
That. It always seems to boil down to that.
Two steps forward and one step back. It’s making progress, I guess; but at this point I hoped to have it all figured out. As if aging is supposed to bring all the answers with it.
Maybe I do have it figured out and just don’t want to accept that I have everything I need to do whatever it is that is calling me. Maybe the call is so faint (or I’m losing my hearing) that I can’t discern it. Or maybe life isn’t as tidy as I keep hoping it will be and I just have to embrace the mess that it is and make up my own answers.
Because maybe there aren’t any answers floating out there in the ether. Perhaps they are inside my enoughness, waiting to spring forth and blossom.