Day #30: Anhedonia is no fun

On the second to the last day in this 31-day blog challenge to myself, I thought more about the concept of “fun.“ How do I know when I’m having fun?

Because it’s what I do, I’ve researched what fun looks like, why it is that it feels unfamiliar to me. That is one of my stubborn traits — the need to understand intellectually, to be able to define, rather than just accepting and going with something — even something like fun that I’ve conceivably done since childhood.

Innately, I’m sure I know what fun is. How could I not? But it is also in my nature to second guess myself, and so here is some of what my exploration turned up:

1. Fun is something that is amusing, entertaining, enjoyable or pleasurable. To the individual. You define what’s fun for yourself.

2. Fun is typically something that you choose to do, for no other reason than it brings you joy. My friend, Janet, said that, for her, “Any time I can do what I (emphasize the I) want to do instead of what I feel obligated to do I consider it fun.”

3. Fun happens when you’re doing something you love. My friend, Rachel, asked, “Do fun and being happy go hand-in-hand?” It sounds logical, right?

4. My friend, Vanessa, over at Riverbank Treasures, wrote to me that to her, ‘“fun’ is anything that brings the tiniest smirk, grin, smile or all the way into a full blown belly laugh … it’s those smirk times where you have to pay a little more attention to the concept of ‘fun’ in order to catch yourself having said ‘Fun!’”

5. Fun boosts serotonin in the brain. Serotonin regulates your mood and how you process emotions.

So that answers that question. But my research reminded me of something else I’d forgotten all about, a state called anhedonia. With anhedonia, not only do you not experience pleasure, you’re incapable of even trying to find it. Nothing is fun, and things that used to be or could be fun seem pointless. You focus on the overwhelm brought on by all your commitments, obligations and responsibilities, so that you don’t even recognize fun.

Bingo. I know the first rule of mental health and physical health is not to try to diagnose yourself, especially with “Dr. Google,” but this felt so spot on in every way that I made a note to speak with both my doctor and therapist about it. Anhedonia is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and there are ways to treat it.

In other news, my dogs woke me at 6:45 a.m., so I got that bread dough from yesterday in the oven while drinking my morning coffee and journaling. It was phenomenal warm with a little butter.

My brother who lives out in L.A. was stung by the California common scorpion today pictured above. He said it felt like a bee sting. In all the years he’s lived out there, this is his first time.

This afternoon I made meatloaf and snacked on blueberries. With this post finished, I’m going to read “for pleasure,” meaning nothing heavy, and hope for uninterrupted sleep, a rarity of late.

One more day. I’m both relieved and a little sad. More thoughts on that tomorrow.