Returning to you

#iArtDaily Challenge Day 18

Today’s prompt is:

“Return to yourself, before you were put upon.” ~ LeAura Alderson, author, entrepreneur, cofounder-iCreateDaily

The challenge facilitators are quick to point out that the prompt isn’t about being a victim; it’s about who we were before social messages and conditioning took hold. Here are my thoughts.

A friend told me today that I’ve been more negative than usual lately.

Now, we both agreed that I am generally a cranky, pessimistic person, but she said this week I’ve been more so. More critical, more judgmental, more dissatisfied. And she’s right.

The feelings come and it go. I come from a long line of such people, and there’s always the question of nature versus nurture. I was the first born — and the only girl when three brothers came along. Did I feel displaced? Not good enough? Was that a factor in being put upon? Who was I before all of that?

But that’s a subject for a different post on a different day.

This is me, not quite 5, sitting next to my second baby brother’s buggy. There was one more brother to come a short time later.

When I opened my eyes early this morning and saw the sun was up, my first thought was, “Dammit! It’s morning. I have to get up. And I have to work tonight. Ugh.” And there was that familiar feeling of tension and the sense of doom present on too many awakenings.

A lightbulb turned on and I thought, what if I reframe that one thought, just for today? What if instead I say to myself, “It’s morning. It’s a new day, with a hundred brand new possibilities that I get to pick and choose from!”

I wasn’t trying to be Pollyanna-ish but hopeful, open to expecting miracles and seeing what “could be” that’s positive and even delightful. Appreciating hot coffee while cuddling with my dog and cat, breakfast with my daughter and grandson on FaceTime, reading a book to enhance creativity, even napping under heavy warm covers. Gratitude for simple things. Not seeking the negativity but joy.

That actually made a difference. I felt it in my body. The foggy doom lifted, and I went about my day happier than yesterday.

Tomorrow? Who knows?

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